Episode 19 – Smurf's Up
| The Assassins |
Azareth - Wizard 1st Level LE (PC) Creighton - Fighter 1st Level LE (PC) Craven - Fighter/Rogue 1st/2nd LE (PC) Keldirk - Rogue 2nd level NE (PC) |
| Locale | In their room at the Silver Gauntlet. Craven and Azareth have recently returned from the burnt block in Del Mord. |
| Date | 28th Readying 582 CY (Common Year) |
| Time | Before dawn, the morning after Azareth's test. |
The four assassins sat in their room contemplating what to do with the wooden box and the large amount of money.
| Creighton | That is a crap-load of money! |
| Azareth | Crap-load? I am not familiar with that quantitative term. |
| Craven | (looks at the pile of platinum coins) How much do you think there is? |
| Azareth | (studies the coins as he mentally calculates the value) About one hundred platinum - five hundred gold worth. |
| Keldirk | (looks at Azareth) Thanks Rainman. (smiles) So that makes it about one hundred and thirty gold each. |
| Craven | By my calculations it's closer to two hundred and fifty each. |
| Keldirk | (raises an eyebrow) How do you figure that, genius? |
| Craven | Azareth and I took all the risks - we get all the rewards. |
| Creighton | Screw that! If I had known they were the rules, I would've tagged along. |
| Keldirk | (to Creighton) That may have jeopardised the success of the mission. You're not exactly light on your feet. You've just got to take the good with the bad. (shrugs) As far as I'm concerned we get paid based on what we do. (looks longingly at the pile of platinum) As much as it pains me to say - this money belongs to Craven and Azareth. Of course I'm always willing to accept charity... (smiles) |
| Azareth | If this money goes to anyone it should go to the thieves guild. |
| Craven | What? (to Azareth) You weren't a member of the guild when you did the job, this was the test to see if you could join. This money is not guild money. |
| Azareth | (thinks for a moment) Perhaps, but you should consider the possibility that this is all part of the test; it is entirely possible that were aware of the transaction and they expect us to hand over the money. |
| Craven | If they knew that this much money was involved do you think they would risk it with someone unproven? |
| Keldirk | Remember that Croweye was watching us when we did our test, they obviously had Azareth watched too. Maybe the money was never in doubt. Had Azareth failed, the guild observer would have cleaned up the mess. |
| Azareth | (thinks) Keldirk has a point. We could be in danger if we keep the money. Perhaps we should notify Simpkin. |
| Craven | We haven't opened the box yet. If this money was payment then what is in the box will have a similar value. |
| Creighton | (whistles) We're rich. |
| Keldirk | (to Craven) Open the box. |
| Craven | (to Keldirk) Why don't you? |
| Keldirk | (smiles) If it's your money - it's your box. You open it. |
| Creighton | (looks at the innocent looking box) What's the big deal. I'll open it. (reaches to pick up the box) |
| Azareth | (holds up his hand) Wait! The reluctance of Craven and Keldirk to open the box indicates that they believe the box may be protected against unauthorised access. |
| Creighton | What does that mean? |
| Craven | It could be trapped. |
| Creighton | (pulls back his hand) Oh. |
| Keldirk | I'd be willing to examine the box for ... say ... a third of the money. (smiles) |
| Azareth | We still haven't decided whether to keep the money. Have we? |
| Creighton | I've got an idea. (pauses) Why don't we keep the money until we're asked for it? |
| Craven | I can live with that. (thinks) As long as we don't spend any of it until we decide to keep it. |
| Keldirk | Works for me. |
| Azareth | I'm not convinced that is a wise course of action. Remember I have been on the wrong side of the guild already. (shudders) I have no desire to relive that experience. |
| Creighton | Why don't we give them one or the other? |
| Craven | What - the money or the box? (smiles) |
| Keldirk | We need to know what is in the box before we decide that. My offer still stands. |
| Azareth | (thinks about party unity) I've decided that the money will be divided equally between us. After all we are family. We each keep a quarter, and agree not to spend any of it for one month. If the guild does not ask for it by then ... we keep it. |
| Craven | (nods) It's the logical thing to do. (to Keldirk) Open the box. |
| Keldirk | Clear the money off the bed and I'll check it for traps. |
Azareth returned the money to the pouch and Keldirk set about examining the velvet covered box. The box was covered with a featureless black velvet with the corners protected by small brass plates. He passed his trained eye over the well crafted hinges and clasp, before tentatively probing with his tools. He spent several minutes intensely scrutinising the locking mechanism before turning to the others.
| Keldirk | I didn't find any traps, but this lock will test my skills. |
| Creighton | Just smash it. |
| Azareth | No! It may contain a fragile item, and we should treat it with utmost care. |
| Craven | (to Keldirk) Azareth is right; we should pick the lock. Keldirk? |
| Keldirk | Sure, but stand back. Just because I didn't find any traps doesn't mean there aren't any. |
| Azareth | A sensible precaution. I suggest we three leave the room. |
| Creighton | (looks at the little box apprehensively) Good idea. |
| Craven | I'll stay here with Keldirk - in case anything goes wrong. |
| Keldirk | (looks over his shoulder) Thanks. |
Azareth and Creighton left the room while Craven and Keldirk prepared to unlock the box. Craven noticed with concern that, despite the chill air, Keldirk was perspiring.
| Craven | (lays a hand on Keldirk's shoulder) Do you want me to do it? |
| Keldirk | (brushes Craven's hand aside) I don't need any help from you. (looks around the room) Get me Azareth's sleeping pallet. |
Craven dragged Azareth's bed over to Keldirk and together they tipped it on its side to provide Keldirk with some cover.
| Craven | I'll be right behind you. |
| Keldirk | (sarcastically) That's comforting. |
Keldirk removed his lockpicks and set to work on the intricate lock. He had not come across any mechanism this small during his training and began to doubt his ability. After ten tense minutes there was a click and Keldirk leaned back, relieved.
| Keldirk | It's done! |
| Craven | Are you going to open it? |
Keldirk wiped his hands on his trousers and then reached over Azareth's bed and quickly lifted the lid. There was a loud thunderclap and the two assassins were knocked to the ground.
| Creighton | Did you hear that? |
| Azareth | (looks at the door with concern) How could I miss it? |
| Creighton | (calls out loud) Are you boys okay? |
| Azareth | (hears no reply and looks worriedly at Creighton) We should go in. |
| Creighton | Stand aside. |
Creighton opened the door, his weapon ready. Nothing could prepare him for what he saw inside. Everything, the walls, the beds, the clothes as well as his two companions were coloured a violent shade of blue.
| Creighton | (stunned) Boccob's balls! |
| Azareth | (peering around the corner) My goodness! |
| Craven | I can't see! |
| Keldirk | I've gone blind. |
| Creighton | (giggles then bursts into raucous laughter) |
| Azareth | (barely able to suppress his mirth) Are either of you hurt? |
| Craven | I don't think so. |
| Keldirk | (wiggling his fingers and toes) No, but I can't see. What's happened. |
| Creighton | (collapses to the ground laughing and clutches his belly) |
| Azareth | It appears that you, along with this room, have been coated with a blue pigment. |
| Craven | You're not making any sense! |
| Keldirk | Creighton, stop your fucking laughing! |
| Azareth | It is a rather amusing phenomenon. |
| Craven | We've entertained you long enough. Now get rid of it. |
| Azareth | I'm not sure if I can. |
| Keldirk | (begins to see shapes) |
| Voice | What's all this noise about? |
| Azareth | (looks down the corridor and sees the barman approaching) Um ... we have had a minor accident. |
| Barman | Do I need to call the watch? |
| Creighton | (manages to stop laughing) |
| Azareth | No - but we could use a mop and bucket. |
After several hours of frantic scrubbing and cleaning, using various solvents and cleansing agents, Craven and Keldirk came to the reluctant conclusion that the blue colour was there to stay. The room had suffered badly from the effects of the magical trap and not one surface had been spared from the colourful dye. The proprietor of the tavern was beside himself - counting the costs and damages to his furnishings out loud. After a lengthy discussion it was decided that the assassins would hand over the sum of ten gold orbs as compensation and find alternate lodgings.
| Keldirk | (to Craven) We can't go outside looking like this. |
| Craven | We haven't got much choice. |
| Keldirk | (to Azareth) Isn't there anything you can do? |
| Azareth | What do you propose? |
| Keldirk | I don't know. You're the mage! |
| Azareth | Hmm, I can do nothing now but I will look into the matter. |
| Craven | That won't help us now. |
| Creighton | (enters the room, a large plate of food in his hands) Word has spread downstairs, you guys are the laughing stock of the whole tavern. (chuckles) |
| Keldirk | (sarcastically) Great. Just great. |
| Craven | We can try to disguise each other. |
| Keldirk | With what? We don't have any makeup. |
| Azareth | (grabs a chicken leg off Creighton's plate) We'll just have to make do. Pull your cloaks around you and we'll make a break for it. |
| Keldirk | Have a look, Azareth. Our cloaks are blue! Everything is fucking blue! |
| Azareth | (removes his cloak and hands it to Keldirk) You can borrow mine. Creighton, give your cloak to Craven. |
| Creighton | (nods and hands his cloak to Craven) Hey! My backpack turned blue! |
| Craven | What do you expect? Everything in the room is blue. |
| Creighton | Damn. (examines his backpack) At least the insides are clean. |
| Azareth | (runs to his backpack and checks his spellbook.) Whew! |
| Craven | What? |
| Azareth | My spellbook isn't blue. (chews on his chicken) Well, let's go guys. We have to find another place to stay. |
| Creighton | What was in the box? |
| Craven | (looks to Keldirk) |
| Keldirk | (looks to Craven) |
| Craven | We haven't checked. |
Azareth walked over to the small box and peered inside. Resting on a satin bed was a shiny black, glass globe which was in stark contrast to the blue surroundings. Azareth carefully tipped the globe onto the bed and peered into its depths. He was amazed to see a small, swirling red cloud in its centre. The cloud appeared to sense Azareth's presence and began to twist more violently.
| Craven | What is it? |
| Azareth | I'm not sure. My gods! This thing is magical. What a find. |
| Keldirk | Well, if you don't know what it is then put it back in the box and let's get out of here. This colour is making me ill. |
The assassins packed up their belongings and left the tavern to the jeers and taunts of the tavern's patrons.
| Creighton | (tapping Keldirk on the shoulder) Did you hear that? |
| Keldirk | (rather annoyed at being made a public spectacle) No - what? |
| Creighton | Someone called you a smurf! |
| Keldirk | What's a smurf? |
| Creighton | I don't know, I was hoping you'd know. |
| Keldirk | Shut up, Creighton. |
| The Adventurers |
Khaal - Fighter 5th Level LG (NPC) Cyndre - Wizard 5th Level NG (NPC) Kylara - Ranger 6th Level NG (NPC) Marak - Rogue 6th level CG (NPC) |
| Locale | Far to the east of Del Mord, in the depths of the Sushwap Swamp. |
| Date | 1st Coldeven 582 CY (Common Year) |
| Time | Well after sundown. |
After a difficult and deadly combat with a Green Hag, a badly wounded band of intrepid adventurers made camp and settled down for the night.
| Khaal | I'm knackered. (sighs) That hag tore strips off me! |
| Kylara | At least you don't have any broken bones, big boy. Look at my arm! (holds up a badly broken wrist) |
| Khaal | You want to compare battle scars? Look at this, baby. (holds up his shirt and points to a series of long scratch marks across his hip) That green bitch had fingernails of iron! |
| Cyndre | (looks in his backpack and removes several items) Let's see what we've got here. |
| Kylara | Don't play with anything, Cyndre, remember what happened last time. |
| Khaal | (shudders) That's good advice, Cyndre. You should listen to her. |
| Marak | (coming in from the shadows) The coast is clear. There's nothing out there but birds and insects. (swats a bug on his neck) A lot of insects. |
| Cyndre | (sorts through the pile of items arrayed on his cloak) There is a pile of berries, some potions and, of course, the amulet. (picks up the amulet, then hands it to Marak) Marakillius, do you think this could be it? |
| Marak | (waves his hand) Not now, Cyndre. I'm too tired. Tomorrow, perhaps. By Fharlanghn's Stride, I wish Galen had survived. I could do with his healing right now. |
| Kylara | Marak!! That's a horrible thing to say. |
| Marak | You know what I mean. |
| Kylara | Yes, I know. (sighs) We are all close to death and it will be good to see the walls of Del Mord again. I think I'll sleep for a week. (laughs feebly) |
| Khaal | (Examines his broken sword) Damn - this thing is useless. (throws his damaged blade into the swamp with a plop) I'm glad that bitch is dead. |
| Cyndre | (begins to cast a spell) |
| Marak | (stands and walks to the edge of the hillock, peering into the darkness) |
| Kylara | (unbuckles her plate mail and drops it to the earth) Ahh, that feels better. |
| Khaal | (follows her lead and removes his own plate armour) |
| Cyndre | (completes his spell and examines the pile before him) |
| Marak | Did you hear that? |
| Khaal | What? |
| Marak | I thought I heard something. Out there. (gestures into the darkness) |
| Cyndre | Wahoo! These potions and berries are magical. |
| Kylara | The amulet? |
| Cyndre | (shakes his head wearily) I'm afraid not. |
| Kylara | (looks to Khaal) I guess our quest continues. |
| Khaal | (rubs his hands across his bald pate) I guess so. |
| Marak | Heads up!! We have company. |
Out of the swamp emerged a large bipedal Lizard-man with hate filled eyes.
| Lizard-man | (leaps out of the water and lands on Marak, sinking his teeth into the young thief's neck) Grurrghh. |
| Marak | (dies) |
| Khaal | (fumbles for his second sword) |
| Kylara | (leaps to her feet, her scimitar flashing) Marak!! Noooo! (charges at the Lizard-man swinging wildly) |
| Lizard-man | (tumbles forward, knocking Kylara from her feet) |
| Cyndre | (aiming his wand) Ki-rak Mur'tan (four bolts of green energy fly from the tip of the wand into the Lizard-man) |
| Lizard-man | Arghh. (turns his gaze towards Cyndre and slashes with his tail at Kylara) |
| Kylara | (struck in the shins, she looses her balance and falls into the swamp) |
| Lizard-man | (leaps at Cyndre) |
| Khaal | (steps in front of the Lizard-man and delivers a blow to its midriff) Die!! |
| Cyndre | (back-peddles) Ki-rak Mur'tan (his wand splutters, then dies) |
| Lizard-man | (reaches forward and grabs Khaal by the neck) |
| Khaal | (struggling to break free of the lizard-man's powerful grip) |
| Lizard-man | (clenches its fist and tears out Khaal's throat) |
| Khaal | (dies) |
| Cyndre | (draws his dagger, having exhausted his spells in combat with the hag) |
| Kylara | (climbs out of the swamp - spitting foul black liquid) Damn! I've lost my sword. |
| Lizard-man | (leaps at Cyndre - lashes out with its claws but doesn't connect) |
| Kylara | (picks up Khaal's blade and charges the Lizard-man, striking its flank) |
| Lizard-man | (howls in pain - turns on Kylara and bares its fangs in a demonic snarl) Grarghh!! |
| Cyndre | (stabs with his dagger but misses) |
| Lizard-man | (closes on Kylara - wraps its arms about her waist and sinks its maw into her face) |
| Kylara | (dies) |
| Lizard-man | (turns to Cyndre - a evil smile upon its face) |
| Cyndre | By the gods - nooooooooo... ... .. |
After feasting on the corpses for several days, the Lizard-man sampled the berries and consumed one of the potions. The combination of strange magics racked the beast; his muscles and sinews stretching to impossible limits. After hours of torment the transformation was complete. The five foot Lizard-man had grown to gargantuan proportions and the once simple-minded creature now possessed the cunning mind of a ruthless killer with a taste for human flesh.
The now giant Lizard-man gathered a few choice items in a backpack and entered the swamp and headed west to human lands.
| Normal Text | Character's words or descriptive text if part of a paragraph |
| Italic Text | Character's thoughts or actions if surrounded by parenthesis |
| Bold Text | Character is shouting. |